Today is Monday, December 1st, 2014 and I am feeling depressed, lonely, directionless, and forgotten.  Please forgive the rant!  I’m running pretty low on faith at the moment!

Please let me explain why I feel the way I do.depression_quote_depressing_life

Working a “real” job

For the first part of this year I worked in a high end jewelry store.  I liked my job because the bookkeeping was detailed and, at least for me, simple.  In addition to the bookkeeping I got to learn a few other things like maintaining an online store and setting up a blog.  I enjoyed my work.  And because my tasks were so different from everyone elses in the store, I was usually left to work alone which is how I prefer it.  But, with the economy being the way it is and people switching from buying expensive jewelry to saving for a rainy day, sales in the store plummeted.  This caused the owner to panic and his knee jerk reactions became too stressful for me.  So I left.  I left with the intention of getting out of the accounting field and doing something completely different with my life.  Something where I had total control of my time and effort, and I would have to live according to another person’s clock.

The Grand idea!

That’s when I started this page along with my facebook page The Dirt Witch Chronicles.  I had high hopes that I could share the pieces of knowledge that I have with others and my website would pay me.  Not based on a per hour rate, but on a value added rate.  That was the goal.  To make money while staying at home doing what I like to to best, reading, writing, and sharing my experiences.

Grand ideas right?

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Facebook results

After 3 1/2 months I only have 34 page likes on my Facebook page.  I have payed for two rounds of ads that reached over 3,422 impressions. (it showed up over 3,000 times, there is no way to tell if anyone actually saw the ad.) The total cost to me for this last ad was $18.49.  At one point I had a total of 11 new “likes”, but in the end I only have 7 new “likes” on my page.  $2.64 per page like is pretty darn expensive!  When there are millions of people on Facebook to only get 34 out of 3,422 is just sad.  Really really sad.

Bottom line, Facebook is costing me money and time.  No one is really looking at anything I post.  They mainly respond to memes that I forward not content from my heart.

The Dirt Witch Chronicles website results

That brings me to this page.  My idea here was to have a place to share information on herbs, crystals, organic gardening, spiritual awakening, and ideas on how to improve our health through our foods.  That’s kind of a lot to live up to!

Since starting this page I have noticed that there are a lot of other sites on the internet that are devoted to these same topics.  Most are single topic sites.  And they all have articles that are like “Do these 5 things to improve your whatever!”  And they are very effective posts through Facebook.  They get a lot of traffic.

I honestly don’t know how to make this site something that you will want to read.  Most people are so busy, all they have time for are the memes, pretty pictures, short videos, and numbered lists.  Why would anyone want to come to this page to read a rant like this that goes on forever?  Maybe I should call this post, “The 3 things I did wrong in my life!”  I might get more traffic.  I would probably still have an almost 100% bounce rate.

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So now what?

Many of you will probably say, “Hang in there! You’ve just started!  Give it a chance!” And you are probably right.  The key to a successful website is content, content, content.  Of course, if it’s content that no-one reads, is it worth creating?

I keep hoping that someone of like mind will come along and read what I write and will have good, honest, constructive feedback for me.  I’m beginning to think that there isn’t anyone like me out there.

So what do I do now?

The photographs that I have posted for sale with iStock and 123RF aren’t making any money.  We have a brand new digital camera that I can use to create new photos, unfortunately we couldn’t afford to upgrade the lenses with the camera so I’m stuck taking photos in a way that I’m not accustomed to.  And it shows.  So, I have put down the camera.  How can I get creative when the only critique I get is the lighting is bad or the depth of field is too short or the subject matter is uninteresting?  What if I wanted the shadows to have sharp edges?  What if the depth of field was short so that the ugly background wouldn’t show?  What if I liked the subject matter?  Doesn’t matter, these sites criticise based on commercial applications of your photos, not the artistic quality.

Ads on this site.  I signed up with Google Adsense and Rakuten LinkShare to place ads on this site that I can make a commission from.  Easy money right!?  Not so much.  There is a lot of work I have to do to keep the ads rotating and up to date.  Sometimes it can take several hours a day to keep up with all of them!  And I don’t have as many advertisers as I could have either.  How much have I earned from these ads?  Less than a dollar!  That’s it.  What’s the point?

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Now how about what I write?

Crystals and stones.

I like rocks.  Always have.  I find them really pretty and I love studying the energies they each have.  I am a firm believer that rocks have vibrations that can help us to tune into life better.  My articles are written to provide the reader with as much information about the stone as I can provide in one place without writing a complete book.  I stopped writing these articles because I didn’t get any feedback.  Are people reading them?  Do they like the article?  What do they like and what do they not like?  How am I supposed to know where I need improvement if no one ever reads my articles and makes comments on them?  Should I keep writing them in the hopes that years from now someone will notice?

Herbs and plants

I like writing about herbs and plants because I like to grow them.  By doing the research for my articles, I learn about the individual herb too.  How it’s grown, where it comes from, what it can be used for in recipes, medicines, and magickal rites.  I find this all very fascinating.  Question is, does anyone else?  Who reads these articles?  Do they also go to the picture galleries and peruse the many varieties of the herbs that I show?  Is my information too detailed?  Too dry?  Too what?  Again, no feedback means I don’t know how better to present the information so that you the reader will want to keep reading.

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Spirituality and life path changes

This one is more personal.  Obviously.  I am turning 50 this year.  I have spent my entire career working for a variety of companies mainly in an accounting capacity.  That’s not a bad thing.  It’s just not what I wanted to do with my life.  But, because I was young and insecure and afraid of everything, I made choices in my life that put me on the path that brought me here.  Is it wrong of me to want to change that path?  To bring some meaning back into my life?  How do I define myself now?  How do I have meaning in my daily routines?  Is working to pay the bills all there is anymore?

Summary

I guess you could say that I am back where I was when I left the jewelry store.  I have no direction, no meaning, no goals, no dreams.  The dreams I used to have don’t fit who I am now.  Especially physically.  I need to be wanted.  To be appreciated.  To know that my life, my words, and my actions have meaning and bring happiness to myself and those around me.  I don’t have that in my life.  And the more I try to create that feeling of contentedness, and connectedness, the more distant everything feels.  Like I’m pushing too hard.  Or maybe I’m overlooking something.

I have even tried to incorporate a daily card reading into my routine thinking that it would help me to focus more on my spiritual growth and less on the money.  The cards kept saying; “What you have been wishing for is just around the corner!”  Which corner?  Each day is a corner.  Each week is another corner.  So is each month!  Which corner?  Why isn’t it coming?  Is it here and I don’t recognize it?  Why build it up to be something spectacular when it comes out being a part-time job for thousands less than what I’m used to making?  How is this succeeding? How is this going to help me feel fulfilled?  How do I get out of bed every morning for the rest of my life knowing that all there is to live for are the never ending bills that must be paid?

 

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